Washboard Abs Laundry Services

Submitted by Ryan Rotz
with special help from Amy C. and Ali S.

Product Name
Washboard Abs Laundry Services

Quick summary of terrible business idea
Do you enjoy long, often socially awkward glances at attractive man-abs?
Do you have dirty laundry? (The real kind, not the kind with emotional baggage)
Are you short on time and sick of laundromats?

Give Washboard Abs Laundry Services a call. We’ll pick up your laundry, hand-wash it on our hunky dreamboat employees’ sculpted washboard abs, dry it with our patented palm-frond-fanning technique, and return it to you… with passion and appreciation for you and your feelings.

Products and Services

Washboard Abs Laundry Services (WALS) is an upscale, boutique laundry service offering pickup and drop off service. Clothes are first rinsed in a babbling brook, then transferred to the “Suds and Studs” pool where muscular men in European swimsuits wash dirty laundry by scrubbing it on their soapy sculpted stomachs.

For those with a little extra cash, premium services are available. Our “Comfort Service” gives customers the opportunity to ogle their laundry be washed and dried while reclining in a leather armchair. Mixed drinks and massages are also provided (just ring the bell).

The “Action Service” gives customers the option to participate in the “Suds and Studs” washing pool (to make sure their clothes are being properly washed, of course…) R&B music is also provided upon request (This is very popular).

When the garments are clean, they are released to the drying garden, where another team of shirtless hunks dry the clothes by waving large palm fronds in their general direction.

When the drying ceremony is complete, the clothes are returned to the customer with chocolates, flowers, and handwritten notes from our men on how beautiful, hard working, and appreciated you are for simply… “Being you.”

What does this look like?

We try to keep things PG around here. Use your imagination.

Is this eco-friendly?

Absolutely. Zero electricity is used to wash and dry the clothes. We use 100% man-power.

Is there a warranty?

If customers aren’t 100% satisfied, they are lying.

Even so, we will go above and beyond if necessary. Using our network of attractive retired football players, we will send one of them on a white horse to show up at the disgruntled customer’s doorstep with a handful of diamonds or two tickets to your favorite show, whichever is more expensive.

What are customers saying about your product/service?

“Never before have I received a load of love with my load of laundry.”

“Try the Premium services. It’s like Disney-Vegas-Oprah land. The R&B music was great too!”

Customers

Who would buy this?

Customers will be upper class women in their 40’s and 50’s who are looking for a little *ahem* in their life.

Marketing

Using the same team of ex-football players, our white steeded men will make appearances at local grocery stores and community events. Advertisements will also run on television during soap opera’s, The Oprah Channel and Lifetime. As profitability increases, some of our employees may also find themselves on popular talk shows targeting our customer base. The steeds will also be in attendance. And the diamonds. Definitely the diamonds.

Production

What equipment will you need?
old spice man with your laundry

Personnel

What kind of employees will you need?

To keep costs low, most WALS employees are rejects and retirees. Couldn’t make it on Jersey Shore? Too old for the NFL? Pop too many pills in the MLB? Lost your swimming endorsements due to (allegedly) smoking illegal substances? WALS is for you!

Any special training or requirements?

Yes. Our men must spend 3 hours a day in the gym and 1 hour per day at the local animal shelter. They must have a positive relationship with their mother and tend to the community herb garden once a month. Exotic accents and overly conditioned hair is preferred.

Why is this a Terrible Business Idea?

Sorry ladies, but the caliber of employees necessary would require too high of a salary for the business to be sustainable.

Injuries would also be likely. Although the Suds and Studs pool would create quite a “stir,” employees would develop raw and overused stomach in a matter of hours (even with soothing R&B music).

In addition, this process would not produce thoroughly cleaned clothes. The clothes would be returned dirty and wrinkled, eliminating repeat customers. It’s a sad a terrible reality.

What do you think?
Would WALS fail? Or would you become a customer?
Leave your thoughts in a comment below!

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