Products and Services
GovSquare is mandatory social network that you are added to when you receive your drivers license at 16. When you receive a speeding ticket or felony, your I.D. is scanned and the citation shows up on your GovSquare profile. Depending on how many crimes you commit, you can earn special badges:
- 2 DUI’s in 5 years? : “Take away the keys “ badge
- 3 misdemeanors or felonies on one street? : “King of the block” badge
- Accomplice to a crime? : “I’m with stupid” badge
- Going to a federal penitentiary? : “Don’t drop the soap” badge
- Resisting arrest?
Each time you interact with the Government, it is recorded on your profile for your friends to see. So don’t worry about your neighbors gossiping about your run-ins with the law; the Government does it for you! If that is not enough you can share your criminal record with your friends and they can comment on your belligerence!
To achieve real thug status, other citizens can post reviews of your civil behavior and rate you on a scale of 1 (the perfect citizen) to 10 (maybe you should move to Delaware).
- Ex. “Alan, Doug, and Stu just checked in to the Las Vegas Police Dept. for stealing a cop car… and a tiger.”
What about the cops who give you tickets and arrested you? With Govsquare you can follow their activity and see who they’re arresting in real time. Don’t forget to give them a “poke!”
What are customers saying about your product/service?
“When we told the government we wanted transparency this wasn’t exactly what we had in mind… but at least we get sweet Internet badges!”
What type of people would use this?
The service is free but it will be most used by felons, teen-angst mischief makers, little old ladies, and your everyday thug.
How will you compare with the competition? What makes you unique?
The government crushes all competition. If you try to compete, the government will make social media app to invade your privacy and humiliate you.
Industry and Distribution
Describe your industry
The location-based application market is exploding. Apps like Foursquare, Gowalla, and Facebook Places are poised to connect tech-savvy citizens to businesses and now… the government.
How will your products and services be sold?
In order to keep up with government inefficiency, all Govsquare accounts must be set up at the Department of Licensing. (Imagine the wait times when middle-aged government employees try to teach citizens how to use social media)
Why is this a Terrible Business Idea?
Although many crimes are public information, putting everyone’s criminal record on the internet would be an extreme invasion of privacy. The Patriot Act would look like the post-it note compare to GovSquare.
We must also remember that inefficiency, budget deficits, and political positioning make almost every government program a terrible business idea…
no matter how cool a “don’t tase me bro” badge would be.